Is it love or Limerence? Modern dating trend that keeps someone stuck in your mind 24/7

You know the feeling when your phone lights up with their name and suddenly your entire mood changes. You reread their messages five times, replay conversations in your head and start imagining a whole future together, even though you have only been texting for a few weeks.

But then hours pass without a reply, and suddenly your brain spirals: "Did I say something wrong? Are they losing interest?" Well, psychologists say that an emotional roller-coaster might not actually be love.

It could be 'limerence' - a powerful psychological state of romantic obsession that can completely take over your thoughts and emotions.

And thanks to TikTok therapy videos and relationship podcasts, many people are suddenly realising that what they once called 'falling deeply in love' might actually have been something very different.



The term 'limerence' was first introduced by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s while studying intense romantic attraction.

She described limerence as a state where a person becomes mentally and emotionally fixated on someone else, often called the limerent object.

Some common signs include:

• Constant intrusive thoughts about the person
• Mood swings based on their attention or response
• Extreme excitement when interactions go well
• Anxiety or sadness when they don’t
• Idealising them as a “perfect” partner

In other words, the person becomes the center of your emotional universe. And here's the surprising part: researchers say many experience limerence at least once in their lives, even though most mistake it for love.

Part of the reason limerence is confusing is that it looks a lot like the early stages of love. Psychology researcher Giulia Poerio has studied how romantic thoughts can become intrusive and difficult to control.

She explains that limerence often involves persistent mental loops about another person and a strong desire for emotional reciprocation. When that attention appears, even briefly, the brain experiences a powerful emotional reward.

When it disappears, the crash can feel just as intense.

This cycle of anticipation, reward and uncertainty can make the experience feel almost addictive.

Researchers studying attraction say limerence is closely tied to the brain's rewards system. Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher has spent decades studying the neuroscience of love. Her work shows that early-stage attraction activates the same dopamine-driven reward circuits involved in motivation and addiction.

That means your brain isn't just feeling emotions; it's literally chasing the feeling of reward.

This is why:

• A single message from them can feel euphoric.
• Silence can trigger anxiety or overthinking.
• Your thoughts keep circling back to them all day.
• Your brain is essentially waiting for the next emotional “hit”.

Psychologists are beginning to notice something interesting: technology may intensify limerence-like patterns.

Unlike traditional relationships where interactions happen face-to-face, modern communication allows people to reread messages repeatedly, analyse typing indicators, watch someone’s social media activity and track when they were last online.

These small digital cues can keep the brain constantly engaged with the person, even when no real interaction is happening. In other words, the relationship may exist mostly inside your head.

You might be in a limerent state if:

• You think about the person almost constantly.
• Your mood depends heavily on their attention.
• You imagine an ideal version of them rather than the real person.
• You feel intense anxiety about rejection.
• Your self-worth feels tied to their response.

One of the biggest clues is idealisation. You may feel deeply connected to them, even though you haven't actually built a real emotional relationship yet.



Limerence doesn't last forever, but it can last surprisingly long.

Studies inspired by Tennov's research suggest the average duration is about 18 months to three years, although some cases fade faster if emotional uncertainty is resolved. Interestingly, psychologists have noted that this timeframe roughly aligns with the early bonding period seen in human relationships.

But long-term relationships can't survive on limerence alone.

Eventually, the intense high either fades or evolves into something deeper.